In my short time as a blogger, blogging has helped to reinforce how easily time can get away from me. Take this particular blog for instance. I remember when I decided to start it, I remember developing the concept and the hopes I had for it. I remember my first post (which took me forever to write, then edit and then publish). I remember all of this like it was yesterday. This was January 2011. A few blinks, breaths, a quick turn around and here I am three years in the future; my best intentions for this blog seem to have failed and only three posts smile back at me with sad eyes begging, “Are you coming back yet? We are lonely. Finish what you started please!”
Of course the story of the abandoned blog is in no way a rare or singular tale. To be fair to myself, I have accomplished a lot in the last three years and I remember it all. But it’s still a little creepy isn’t it? When I reflect on the beginning of this blog, when I stare at its underdeveloped body of work, I can’t help but to be freaked out by the fleetingness of time and my ability to lose focus of my goals so easily and so completely.
I’ve been meaning to get back here for quite some time. I was drawn to WordPress today to try to refocus and I happened to stumble upon this ‘Zero to Hero’ blogging challenge/tool. And though I initially gave birth to my blog three years ago, I feel very comfortable with using these provided assignments to help breathe live back into my neglected but well-intentioned baby. So, I thank this team of WordPress blogging experts very much, and I move forward, keeping my head held high and letting go of any negative disappointment I feel towards myself for these last three years of neglect.
The first ‘Zero to Hero’ assignment is to create a ‘who I am and why I am here post’. For me, this answer is a two-parter:
First, when I started the ‘In Search of Adam’ blog I WAS a 28-year-old closeted gay man. I was terrified; floating alone in a boat, in a huge endless ocean of confusion and worry, with no sail or paddles to help me steer. This may sound majorly dramatic, but I know from experience that this analogy is quite accurate. I created this blog to help me focus my thoughts and alleviate my fears so that I could eventually ‘come out’. I was also attempting to let other closeted people know that they were not alone. And I was hoping that by explaining my fears of ‘coming out’, in great detail, someone would magically give me advice that would suddenly make it easy to accept being gay.
Secondly, TODAY I am an ‘Out’ Gay 31 year old man. It is difficult to express in words how wonderful it feels to be able to type ‘out gay man’. There are many details I could, and many that I will, explain. But the long and short of it is that I am free of my closet and can finally breathe when it comes to my sexuality. I found my boat’s sail and now strongly grasp my oars. Though the waters can still be rough and scary, I finally feel like I am starting to steer my own life.
So, moving forward, I hope to accomplish a few things with this blog.
- Continue to discuss what being closeted felt like, mostly because I still have a few posts that I wrote 3 years ago but never published.
- Discuss my personal ‘coming out’ process; the ups, downs and lessons I learned.
- I would like to write about, and hopefully educate others and myself on, gay history. It’s important to understand the struggles of days past.
- I would like to discuss current gay events and happenings in the world.
- I would also like to discuss films. I really enjoy writing movie reviews.
- Plus, I will probably talk about my daily personal life (like my new years resolutions) if anyone cares to listen.
- Perhaps most importantly, I hope to connect with some of you reading these words and maybe make some new friends.
I should warn the reader that I expect this blog to have a very gay voice, which I find to be refreshing and honest (after so many years in the closet) and I hope you do too. I thank you for taking the time to read this long post.
Moving into 2014 I hope that I can stick with this blog more long term and that it can help me grow as a person. I once again find myself in a period of personal reinvention. I’m job searching again, looking to relocate to a new place and hoping to actually start dating this year. I hope that this blog can be a tool to help others and hopefully me. I wish us all the best, Gentle Reader.